And She Whispers
by klainchel95
Summary: Rachel and Blaine have been dating for a month secretly & were on their way to Kurt's house to tell him when they are hit by a car on the road. Distraught Rachel doesn't stop blaming herself and how she should've been the one driving, instead of him. Now Blaine is on life-support, and Rachel is the only one who believes the truth of what the doctors are saying- Blaine is dying.
1. Chapter 1

*Authors Note* this is a new fic and will be estimated around 5 or 6 chapters, maybe more maybe less, I'm not sure yet. Anyways I wanted to say that if you like this story, or any of my other works, and have a tumblr go follow the blog for my fanfiction's ( ). Please read and review but most of all enjoy

*~*TRIGGER WARNING.*~*

And She Whispers

The past month had been the best and worse month of Rachel Berry's life. It was the best because she was with the most wonderful boy she'd even been with, someone who finally could love her in every way she needed, and someone she truly cared about. It was the best month, because they did everything together, and Rachel Berry could finally say to herself "_This is the guy. The guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. The guy I love."_

And it was the worse month because it's when Rachel lost all of it.

*beat*

"Blaine it's raining!" Rachel exclaimed, hugging herself tightly on her front porch looking between him and her car that was parked on the street. "Go run out and pull up your car, I don't want my hair to get wet."

"What about mine?" Blaine mock-gasped. "It'll wash all the gel out,"

"Good," Rachel smiled and kissed him quickly. "Let those curls free."

"If I grab my car, I'll have to drive," Blaine had a stick-shift.

"I don't mind if you don't," Rachel tilted her head until Blaine laughed, kissed her again, and agreed to sacrifice his hair-do to pull the car up. Rachel smiled as she watched him dart towards his car, fumbling with the keys along the way. When he got in the car, a good distance away from Rachel's house, and pulled up, she expected him to pull in the driveway. Instead, he leaned over the car, and pushed the passenger side door open. "GET IN!" He shouted, with a smile.

Rachel wanted to yell back he was nuts, but she knew he would only respond with 'yes' and she'd have to make the run anyways. Covering her head with her arms, Rachel sprinted through the sheet of rain falling down hair; only to uncover her head in the process. She slid into the car quickly and slammed the door shut as if the rain was acid.

Blaine threw his head back and laughed at her and the way her hair was dripping. "Jerk!" Rachel shoved him playfully, and smiled while doing so. "Hey if I had to sacrifice my hair, you had to sacrifice yours." Blaine leaned over, brushing some wet strands that stuck to her face. She giggled and ruffled his own hair, reveling in the way the gel had vanished and how, despite the rain, his curls were being released.

"Kurt's going to have our heads for showing up so disheveled." Blaine pointed out, pulling away from Rachel and putting the car into drive. They began their car ride to their friend, Kurt Hummel's, house.

"I think the news of us dating will distract him from our appearances," Rachel placed her hand on top of Blaine's winding her fingers around his.

"Don't be so sure," He laughed. "I don't even know if he'll be surprised. He's noticed things between us, or about the both of us, he's too smart not to know."

"I thought we hid it pretty well," Rachel shrugged. "I mean we didn't get the school musical lead's based solely on our voices." There was a silence in the car as Blaine shot her a look that said _oh-please_. Rachel grinned. "Okay, maybe considering we were the only ones with the appropriate vocal ranges, but musical theater isn't just singing. It's acting too, and I thought we acted pretty well just as friends."

"Say's the girl who insisted on sitting beside me every time we went somewhere, holding my hand during the movies, and-"

"_And,_" Rachel emphasized, cutting him off from furthering his point. "Not that it matters because we won't have to pretend anymore. We're going to tell him together, tonight, and we can finally be open about it." She smiled and turned to face the front of the car. The rain had died down as they drove further into Lima; it was almost peaceful, especially when Blaine squeezed her hand. "I love you,"

Rachel squeezed back and turned to face him, smiling, opening her mouth to say 'I love you too' when lights blinded her vision. Her smile dropped and she was only able to scream "BLAINE!" before the lights, and everything else around her went black.

*beat*

"_We've got a pulse!"_

"_She's waking up!"_

"_Hand me the morphine!"_

Everything was loud and Rachel's head pounded. That was the first thing that registered in her brain. The second was the pain, and Rachel automatically groaned. Her entire body was sore, and she couldn't move, besides an inch or two back and forth on a moving platform.

"Sweetheart, can you hear me?" Someone asked her. Rachel could only groan in response, she had no idea what was going on. "Sweetheart, you're going to be okay. You'll be fine. Can you tell me your name?"

Rachel took a deep breath but ended up gasping for air instead of inhaling it. "Blaine." She wheezed. It wasn't the right name, but the more important one.

"That's not it," A different voice said. "The boy in the car's name was Blaine."

_Was._

"Blaine," Rachel wheezed again. "Blaine!"

"Sweetie, I need _your _name. What is your name?" The voice was more urgent now.

"Rachel. Rachel Berry," It was almost inaudible when Rachel managed to open her eyes, the woman who must've asked her was writing her name down. "Blaine?" She asked, struggling to talk loud enough so someone would hear her. "You're going to be okay," The woman answered, but that wasn't what Rachel asked. "Where? Blaine?"

"They are getting him," The lady answered, passing the information list off to someone else. "We're taking you to the hospital; you were in a car accident."

"Alive?" The question was intended for Blaine's account, but the officer ignored her either way. She felt herself moving, being carted off to an ambulance van, when in her left peripheral vision she saw flashing red and blue lights. Her head felt like it weight five tons, but Rachel forced herself to move it in that direction. Her eyes strained against the flashing lights but when her eye's found Blaine everything else seemed to vanish. Rachel spotted his curly hair, and though she couldn't see much, she could tell he wasn't moving. His head was slouched forward, with a deep liquid staining one side of his face, and his torso hung limp over what looked like a mangled piece of steel. Rachel sobbed, and one more thought passed through her mind before she passed out again.

Blaine looked lifeless.

*beat*

There were 67 dots exactly per square that tiled the ceiling. Rachel knew because she counted each one, staring up. She refused to look anywhere else, or move, because she felt someone's hand laced with hers, and didn't want to wake them up. Rachel hoped, instead, that counting would help put her back to sleep and she would wake up in the world of reality not a world of her nightmares, because she knew for a fact that the person holding her hand wasn't Blaine.

The person stirred and Rachel shifted her eyes to finally look at them. Their head was down, and Rachel registered the brown hair and how it was hair-sprayed to stay up, instead of either gelled down or hundreds of little curls. Kurt. Not Blaine. It was glazed eyes that caught Rachel's, not the gentle hazel that belonged to the one person she wanted to see.

Kurt gasped when he saw Rachel was awake, and began crying, leaning over her and hugging her. "Rachel, oh thank god, Rachel!" He was sobbing, and never letting go of her. Rachel couldn't return his tears of happiness, or move her arm that wasn't pinned by his body. She continued to stare up at the 67 spots. "How are you?" Kurt asked, wiping the tears away even though more just replaced them.

Rachel didn't answer. For a long time she continued to stare until she got the courage to ask, "Blaine?" Her tear-eye's shifted to Kurt's and she noticed how empty they were. He didn't make any movement, not a nod, or a head-shake, his entire body just shook as he grasped her hand tightly, burying his face in the hospital bed.

Rachel moved her eyes back to the ceiling, but this time it wasn't doing a very good job of distracting her. This was her reality, and in that moment Rachel wished she hadn't woken up at all.

An hour later a doctor came in, Dr. Shaw and though Rachel kept asking about Blaine no one would answer her. Kurt even ran out, not being able to Everyone looked at her with this pained expression and she just wanted to scream. _If he's dead, just tell me! Tell me, I can't deal with it like this._

Dr. Shaw explained how the crash happened and how she managed to break her left arm. They ran a few tests and he explained that she was fine besides her arm and cuts and bruises. "You'll be able to go home tonight. You were lucky," He said, but Rachel didn't pay attention. If Blaine was dead, he was the lucky one. She'd have to live without him. That didn't seem too luck.

Rachel did the minimal amount of work she had to with the tests and questions before Dr. Shaw placed his pen into his pocket and was about to leave. "Please!" Rachel whimpered, reaching for his coat. Dr. Shaw looked at her questionably. "Where is Blaine? I need to see him, whatever the condition, _please?_"

This time Dr. Shaw didn't give her a pained look, he sighed, and asked. "Can you walk?" Rachel nodded and slipped off the edge of the bed where she had been examined. "I'll wait outside. You're friend brought you a change of clothes." Rachel turned to the pile of clothes that Kurt had brought and when the doctor left, she began to change. She looked at herself in the mirror, examining the damage. Her hair was still damp from the pouring rain that had now long gone, and the strands that were dry were tangled and knotted. She had a long scar on her forhead, and a bump she could feel, but not see on her head. Her left arm was in a cast and everything else was aching and sore. Rachel pushed through the pain as she left her room and followed Dr. Shaw to a different room.

From the outside it was curtained but it was a hospital room, not a morgue, and Rachel's heart lifted. _Blaine's alive, he's alive._ Rachel pushed her way in front of the doctor and burst into the room. Kurt was in there, sitting on a chair beside the bed, and Blaine was also there. He was lying on the bed; a blanket covered him up to his chest with his hands lying straight down, above the blanket. He had tubes connected everywhere, spiraling around him, and the only noise in the room was Kurt's sniffle's and the steady _beep_ of the heart monitor, but he didn't move. His chest barely rose.

Kurt made room as Rachel walked slowly over to the bed, placing her hand on his. She squeezed it, but this time he didn't squeeze back. "The impact of the other driver hit his side of the vehicle, and pushed you guys off the road. The other driver wasn't hurt so he called 911 right away, so we were able to get to you on time. Unfortunately by the time we got there, Mr. Anderson was in critical condition and in the ambulance he flat-lined. Because of the severe trauma to his head, we got his heart up again and hooked him into life support. It's the only thing keeping his heart beating." The _beep_ on the heart monitor suddenly sounded like drums in Rachel's ears. "We weren't able to get a hold of his parents or his brother. Policy is they have two weeks to contact us before the life support expires and we take him off."

"So basically you're saying he had two weeks to live?" Rachel snapped, angry tears forming in her eyes.

"Is there any chance he could wake up, any chance he can live?" Kurt asked shakily, placing a hand on Rachel's shoulders.

"Chances are slim," Dr. Shaw said honestly, before walking to the hospital door. "I'm sorry," He bowed his head and left the room but Rachel remained rigid. Kurt took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

_Rachel squeezed back and turned to face him, smiling, opening her mouth to say 'I love you too' when lights blinded her vision._

"Stop!" Rachel screeched, tearing her hand away from Kurt, holding it to her chest. Tears slid down her face and she closed her eyes so no more could escape. "I'm-I'm sorry," She whispered, "I just, I can't right now," She didn't explain any further, she didn't want to re-live it again.

"It's okay," Kurt said, but he didn't touch her again. "It's okay Rachel, didn't you hear what the doctor said? Bla-"

"No, don't please," Rachel begged, cutting him off. "Don't say his name. That is not him. I refuse to believe the boy hanging on the verge of life and death in front of us is him." Rachel looked at Blaine, his face was too pale for his natural Italian dark skin, his body was too tense when it was usually relaxed, and he wasn't wearing the smile that seemed to never leave his face. No, this wasn't Blaine. Rachel didn't want to believe it.

Kurt's looked like he was trying his hardest to hold back a comment. "Look Rachel, I know you two were close, and you cared for him. I mean we were all best friends bu-"

"No you don't understand," Rachel shook her head sadly, turning away from Kurt. "I loved him, and now he will never know." Only a few seconds more and Rachel could've told him. The first time they were going to say 'I love you' too each other, but it was too late.

Rachel sobbed and ran out of the hospital room. She kept running until she felt two sets of arms surround her and she looked up to see her fathers. Rachel didn't say anything as they enclosed her in their arms. They were the only ones who knew about her and Blaine, and they held her as she wept, never once asking her if she was okay because they knew that she wasn't.


	2. Chapter 2

*Authors Note* - please read and review! The reviews make me very happy :D and enjoy!

TRIGGER WARNING

Chapter 2

Blaine stood, staring down at the person lying in the bed in front of him. Blaine was staring at himself, and though he felt alive, his body looked lifeless. Only the _beep_ of the heart monitor was proof that he was actually alive. Kurt was sitting by the side of the bed but he hadn't noticed Blaine and that scared him. What was going on? What had happened that would put him into a hospital bed looking like he did. Cuts and bruises, bandages wrapped around his arms and head and tubes connected to various parts of his body. The last thing he remembered was saying 'I love you,' to Rachel in the car.

_Rachel._

"Kurt? Kurt, where's Rachel?" Blaine asked out loud but Kurt didn't answer him. Not Rachel, she couldn't have. Not his Rachel. "Kurt? _Kurt!_" Kurt couldn't hear him. Blaine crossed the room to the other side of the bed where Kurt was sitting, stepping in his line of sight, but Kurt just stared right through him. "Rachel!" Blaine cried, searching desperately for her, but when he tore back the curtain that separated the room in two she wasn't there. "RACHEL."

Then she walked inside the room. Tears swelled in Blaine's eyes. _ She's alive._ He thought._ She's alive._ Rachel's hair was tangled and still damp from the rain he remembered had soaked her in what seems like only moments ago. She had a worried look on her face and it turned into sadness when her eye's landed on Blaine and walked toward him.

And right past him.

Blaine's eyes followed Rachel's movements as he watched her walk to his body lying on the bed. It was all too surreal and Blaine wondered if he was dreaming, he had to be there was no way-

Blaine looked down at his hand, and then looked back up at Rachel. She had placed her hand on top of his, squeezing, and he had _felt_ it. He felt the invisible light weight of her hand on his and her small fingers curling around his own, squeezing them tightly. The touch was too real, too _familiar_ to be a fantasy.

He kept his distance, listening as the doctor explained what had happened. _It's my fault,_ Blaine told himself, _I should've seen the car._ He believed it when they said his parents weren't able to get the call, but Cooper? Blaine's heart sunk as he heard he had two weeks of life support before someone claimed to pay for it. He couldn't bear to look at Rachel's heartbroken face of the false-hope that was evident on Kurt's.

A screech made Blaine turn around and he saw Rachel clutching her hand tightly to her chest, turned away from Kurt with tears streaming down her face. Blaine wanted to reach out and hold her, but he knew he couldn't. Instead he was forced to watch and do nothing.

_"It's okay Rachel, didn't you hear what the doctor said? Bla-"_

_ "No, don't please, don't say his name."_

Blaine's heart clenched. She couldn't bear to hear his name; she couldn't accept the fact that he was laying half-dead on a bed in front of her. Rachel was in complete denial and Blaine didn't know how to feel about it, only that the dull-ache of being close to her wasn't going away. Not when he couldn't physically be with her.

_ "I loved him, and now he will never know."_

Blaine watched as Rachel tore out of the room, running right past him. He stared after her, watching her through the door as she collapsed into her father's arms sobbing in the middle of the hospital room. Maybe she was too late saying it but Blaine didn't care. She loved him. She loved him like he loved her. "I know Rachel," He said, but she couldn't hear him. "I know."

More and more people stopped by his hospital room after that, and after he tried talking to Mike Chang, his best friend, but he didn't hear him, Blaine gave up. He watched as they came, they cried, and they left until it was after visiting hours and he was alone with himself. It was eerie, sitting there and looking at himself. Rachel was right, that wasn't him lying there. He didn't want to believe it but he knew it was true.

Standing, Blaine left the room. He couldn't be in there with himself it was too weird. So he began to walk. He walked for a long time, until the sun disappeared and the sky was glittered with stars. Until he reached the house he had spent many nights in for the past month. Blaine walked through the front door, knowing that he couldn't physically touch anything. Everything was transparent to him.

He made his way to the kitchen and found Rachel sitting at the dinner table with her dad's. They were all silent and Blaine's noticed how puffy Rachel's eyes were from crying. Hiram and LeRoy shared a quiet side conversation that was irrelevant, and when they tried to include Rachel in it, but she didn't respond, their words fell to silence. Rachel twirled her fork around the spaghetti absent-mindedly and Blaine noticed how it looked like a prepared dish but no one had eaten into it. Then Rachel dropped her fork and shoved her chair back. She dashed out of the kitchen without pardoning herself, like she always did.

LeRoy stood to follow her but Hiram placed a hand on his arm, silently telling him to give her some time. The two men sat at the table, clutching each other tightly. Blaine stared enviously, thinking about the last time he had held Rachel's hand. He tore his eye's away and followed Rachel upstairs.

He found her sitting on the edge of her bed. Her head was bowed and he hands clutched a picture frame so tightly her fingers were turning red. Blaine leaned over and saw that it was the picture of the two of them as Tony and Maria on stage during West Side Story. He had given it to her at the cast party after the final performance. The glass protecting the picture was tear-streaked as they fell from Rachel's face onto the pane.

Blaine sat beside Rachel, half surprised he didn't fall through the bed, but Blaine didn't bother questioning what was going on with him anymore. He angled his body to stare at her profile but she made no sign of acknowledging him. Rachel's bangs fell in front of her face but she didn't make a move to brush them back. Blaine reached out but stopped when he realized it wouldn't do anything. Instead he gently touched his palm against her cheek, imaging the warmth of her skin.

That's when Rachel released a sigh and leaned into his palm, and Blaine realized he wasn't imaging anything. He could feel her beneath his hand and she must've felt him too. Her movement was slight but enough. Blaine withdrew his hand in astonishment, but she still didn't notice him.

Rachel held onto the photo for a while longer, just staring, until she exhaled a breath that she seemed to be holding in. Rachel set the photo aside, placing it face down on her bed-side table. Getting up, Blaine saw her wipe the tears away with her sleeve. He followed her around the room, staying as close as he possibly could to her, until she began to undress.

Blaine turned his back, giving her privacy. She didn't know he was there but still he didn't feel right watching her like this. They had only been dating a month before… before this happened, and they wanted to wait. It was hard not to steal a glance, knowing now he would never be able to truly be with her the way they both wanted. After a while, Blaine turned back around and saw she had changed into her typical sleeping attire.

Rachel turned on her lamp before turning the lights off and crawled beneath her covers in bed. Blaine followed her and took the seat beside her bed, watching her silently. He looked up and saw he was sitting across from her mirror, but saw only an empty chair where he was sitting. He was invisible to everyone. Blaine had to look away.

Rachel took the picture of the two of them and propped it back up so it was facing her. She stared at it again, and soon the tears began to fall, soaking a spot on her pillow beneath her cheek. Rachel closed her eyes and clung to the covers, pulling them close to her chest as she released a sob, "_Blaine,_" It was heartbreaking and wretched. A whisper almost inaudible due to her heavy breathing, but she fell asleep that way. With a tear stained pillow, a death grip on her blanket, and the sound of Blaine's name on her lips.

His entire body tensed when she said his name and he had to remind himself to stay seated. _You can't touch her. You're not physically here._ Blaine leaned back against the chair, closing his eyes as he listened to Rachel's breathing slow down. _Why am I being punished,_ he thought. _Why?_

Blaine leaned forward in his chair, running his hand through his curls. His eye's flickered to the mirror again, and they were about to leave the glass when he froze.

Staring back at Blaine was his reflection.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: You can expect this story to be done pretty quickly. I have it all written out with how I want it to end and everything in between I just need to actually write it. Read review and enjoy!

*Trigger Warning*

Chapter 3

Blaine hadn't moved for hours. Hiram and Leroy had come in around noon to check on Rachel but she was still fast asleep. Despite the fact Blaine could see his own reflection in the mirror, the Berries didn't make any response to him when they walked in then back out again. Now it was two hours later and Rachel was alone in the house, her dads had gone off to work. Well, she wasn't really alone. Not when Blaine was there.

Rachel stirred on the bed, and Blaine watched her as she woke up. He used to do that all the time. Whenever they spent the night together, just to sleep, wrapped up in each other, he always woke up a few minutes before her. She still had that cute way that she pouted her lips when she realized she was awake and her hair still got adorably tangled. Of course she looked the same; it had only been a couple days since he had fallen asleep with her last.

Her eye's connected with his and they both froze.

_She can see me,_ He thought right before she pulled the covers over her head and curled into a ball. "Rachel?" Blaine asked, testing to see if she could hear him.

"_No,_ gods no, don't do this," Rachel sobbed, confirming that she could indeed hear him. "He's not there, Blaine is not there." Once again, Blaine's body tensed when she said his name. He couldn't control it.

"Rachel…" This time she didn't respond, she only continued to cry. "Rachel?" After a few moments she came out from underneath her blanket. She sat up, holding onto it tightly and scanned the room. Her eyes passed right over him.

"B-Blaine?" She called out quietly, but it was enough.

Tension soared through his body, and Rachel's eyes shot toward him, seeing him again. "_Oh my god,_" Rachel's eyes swelled up with more tears, and she scooted back on her bed away. Away from him. "You're not here, you're not, you can't be, I-"

"Rachel, _listen to me,_" Blaine said. He didn't move towards her at all. He could see how afraid she was and though the distance between them was unbearable, Blaine didn't want to scare her anymore. "I _am _here, I don't know how but I am." Rachel's eyes fell from his and she just shook her head, denying it. "Rachel. I am here," He repeated. "I don't know how, but all I know is that you are the only one who can see and hear me."

"But how?" Rachel managed to ask. "Blai-"

"DON'T!" Blaine interrupted her quickly, and she jumped, startled. "I'm sorry but _that's _how. I'm pretty sure because I was with you all yesterday but you couldn't see or hear me, not until you said my name. If you say it again though, I'll go away. I don't know how it works…"

"But you're dying Blai-" Her sob cut off the last part of his name, so he stayed.

"Rachel, you need to breathe," Blaine said calmly.

"_How?_ When the thought of losing you is literally almost choking me," Her eye's bore into Blaine's before turning away again. "I don't understand! This isn't possible!"

"I know, I know it isn't but I can't explain it anymore than you can," Blaine looked at her sadly. "I don't want it to be explained, all I know is I get to see you again. That's all I care about."

"But you _can't!_" Rachel cried. It was too overwhelming for her, seeing him like this when only hours ago he was lying life-less on a hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor.

"Yes I can!" It hurt Blaine in so many different ways seeing her like this. Upset over losing him, and driving herself insane by seeing him again. Blaine didn't want Rachel to be scared of him, but he also didn't want her to act like he was imaginary. "Rachel you can hear me," He sat on the bed and Rachel's body twitched, feeling the weight on the bed shift toward him. Her eyes finally looked back to his. "You can see me, and I'm pretty sure, if you wanted to, you could feel me," Blaine extended his hand to her, and she stares at it. For a moment, Blaine thinks she actually will because her hand hovers over his, hesitating. Then Rachel feels the warmth of Blaine's palm, and she retreats, afraid of what holding his hand might trigger.

"I can't," She says quietly, bringing her hand down to her side, and Blaine understood, remembering her freak-out when Kurt touched her. "It's okay," He said quietly. He wanted to comfort her the way he used to whenever something was wrong. But _he_ was the thing that was wrong, and how could he even try to fix that.

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered. She had taken some deep breaths and called her crying. Now they fell silently down her face, as she fidgeted with her blanket. "If I hadn't been so _stupid_ about my hair, I would've been driving and you wouldn't be… like this."

"Rachel…" Blaine wanted to lean over and lift her chin to look at him, but he couldn't do that. Instead he tilted her head to get her attention. "If we could go back, I wouldn't have let you drive. I'll fight through this Rachel, I'll come back to you, I promise."

"You have two weeks," Rachel wiped away a tear. "Two weeks until they take you off life-support and you're gone for good. What am I supposed to do when that happens?"

Blaine sat in silence for a moment, before replying. "I don't have an answer for that. TO be quite honest I don't want to think about it. But Rachel, listen, this- my being here, when I shouldn't, it's a blessing not a curse. All I know is if I'm gone in two weeks, it shouldn't matter that much because I get an extra two weeks with you. I'm not going to let anything go to waste."

Rachel' eyes were blank, still absorbing everything. "Only I can see and hear you?" She asked. Blaine nodded, and Rachel just smiled sadly. Blaine looked at the clock, and noticed the time. "I'm guessing you're not going to school today?" He laughed lightly, because school would be over in less than two hours.

Rachel shook her head. "There's no way I can face everyone today. Besides I'd only make it in time for Glee."

"You should go Rachel." Blaine suggested. "I'm sure everyone in Glee has a song to sing for you, you could use the comfort that I can't give to you."

"Why would they sing for me?" Rachel asked. "No one even knew about us,"

"They will by now, and what does it matter Rachel. You should go be with your friends, it might help."

"I don't want to be with my friends, I want to be with you," Rachel said.

"Then I'll go with you," Blaine smiled softly. Rachel was about to protest, but he had a good point, "You'll stay beside me?" She asked, standing up.

"I always will," Blaine smiled. She returned a small one, and Blaine called that progress.

*beat*

Rachel took a shaky breath, and let the cool metal of the locker seep through her shirt and touch her back. Glee had started only five minutes ago, and she was standing outside of the choir room, unable to take the step to opening the door. Her friends were in there, mourning someone Rachel, and only Rachel, could see. Blaine was with her, though she couldn't see him. Though she missed him, it was easier this way; it didn't hurt as much, besides it would be difficult to pretend like he wasn't there in a room full of their friends.

However, she could still feel his presence lingering which she was okay with. It give her some reassurance. "Here I go," She said out loud, not necessarily to Blaine, but just to convince her to move. Rachel turned and opened the door, stepping into Glee Club. All the talking ceased, though there were a few sniffles that couldn't be contained.

"Rachel…" Mr. Shuster's mouth was agape. Rachel knew why, no one would have expected her to attend school. Kurt was the first one to get up and hug her. When his arms wrapped around her body, Rachel couldn't contain her tears. Blaine was there, but not really. He would never really be there the way he used to and Rachel wasn't the only one to lose him. One by one, everyone joined. First it was Kurt, then it was Mike, Tina, Jesse, and on until Rachel had a wall of support around her.

Jesse was the first to pull away. "Mr. Shuster, I think New Directions would like to sing something for Rachel, if that's okay with you."

The teacher nodded, and Rachel took a seat. Everyone filed up on the choir steps, wiping their eyes quickly, and the band began to play. Rachel felt warmth near her and she relaxed, "_Blaine_," It was a whisper, but it was enough and she saw Blaine materialize beside her. She didn't look at him, she didn't need to, his presence was enough to give her strength, and when she looked up at her friends, they were there with even more support.

Finn began and sang the first two verse's, maintaining eye contact with Rachel. Her heart swelled, knowing he was there for her, despite their rocky past.

_When your tears are spent on your last pretense __  
__And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense. __  
__When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles __  
__And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while_

_Oh-way-oh-way-ooo, Oh-way-oh-way-ooo, _

_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up __  
__And I will hide you when it gets too much__  
__I'll be right beside you__  
__I'll be right beside you__  
_  
Then Jesse stepped forward, standing right in front of Rachel.

_When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath __  
__When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.__  
__When you try to speak but you make no sound __  
__And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud__  
_

_Oh-way-oh-way-ooo, Oh-way-oh-way-ooo, _  
_  
__If your heart wears thin I will hold you up __  
__And I will hide you when it gets too much__  
__I'll be right beside you__  
__I'll be right beside you_

Jesse fell back in line and now the entire Glee Club was harmonizing, sharing the lyrics of the last verse, but Rachel didn't hear them. Blaine was kneeling beside her, singing softly in her ear.

_If your heart wears thin I will hold you up __  
__And I will hide you when it gets too much__  
__I'll be right beside you__  
__Nobody will break you_

*beat*

Rachel was extremely tired after she had gotten home. Crying did that to you, she found out. It was hard not to break down in front of everyone, but no one really cared. The entire Glee Club was there for each other. Rachel wanted to run to Blaine, who was watching in the corner of the room, but she knew it wasn't an option.

Now they were lying in bed in bed, side by side. Rachel's breathing matched Blaine, an exercise he had taught her only about 20 minutes ago to calm herself. It was hard to convince herself that Blaine wasn't there anymore. Not when her bed sagged under his body weight and she could still smell the faint hint of coffee and cinnamon on him. "Thank you for convincing me to go to school today," Rachel said quietly, it was dark and peaceful. Rachel was afraid if she talked to loud it would disturb it.

"Of course," Blaine said. His hand dropped from where it was draped on his stomach, so it was lying on the bed next to her. They weren't touching each other, they haven't at all but Rachel's fingers craved for contact. Despite the memories that came with holding hands, Rachel wondered if they could even touch each other at all, and she was desperate to feel him again. Maybe if she could, she could convince herself that he was real.

Blaine shifted his eyes to Rachel when she began to intertwine their fingers. It was there again, and Rachel's eyes were closed shut, forcing the blinding light of the car in her memory to go away. Instead she let the incredible warmth of Blaine's palm against hers soothe her pain away, and it was gone. She opened her eyes and all that there was, was her and Blaine, bound together like they were before life decided to rip them apart. "I love you too," Rachel whispered into the space between them, her eyes never once leaving his.

And that's how they fell asleep.

Side by side, holding hands.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: SUICIDE ATTEMPT/TRIGGER WARNING – This story will have probably another 2 chapters + a epilogue. I hope everyone is enjoying it! Please review, I'm really happy with how this story is coming out and would love to hear your thoughts

Chapter 4

Rachel had made the effort to wake up and go to school, but she barely made it through her first period class. Everyone wouldn't stop bringing the accident and Rachel couldn't deal with it and the guilt she felt along with it. She had hoped that nothing else had changed, but that wasn't true. The auditorium still offered her the same peacefulness it had before, but this time Rachel stood in the darkness. Being on the stage in the auditorium was so much different when only the backstage lights were on, creating a dim glow. She'd never walk on a stage unlit before, but now just the thought of a spotlight made Rachel's twist in an unfamiliar way. Everything was different.

Rachel took a deep breath and sat behind the piano, letting her hands ghost over the keys, wondering if her playing and singing ability had changed as well. She loved Blaine, and though she was happy to see him again, Rachel still needed to sing her feelings. She'd always been better at that then talking about them.

_2am; where do I begin,__  
__Crying off my face again.__  
__The silent sound of loneliness__  
__Wants to follow me to bed.___

_I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.__  
__I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.___

_Dancing slowly in an empty room,__  
__Can the lonely take the place of you?__  
__I sing myself a quiet lullaby.__  
__Let you go and let the lonely in__  
__To take my heart again.__  
_

Blaine hovered in the wings of the auditorium, where Rachel couldn't see him. He wasn't aware if she was able to or not anyway, but he didn't want to risk it. Though it pained him to hear her sing the lyrics of such a sad, relatable song, Blaine always enjoyed listening to her sing, and he didn't want to interrupt.

___Too afraid to go inside__  
__For the pain of one more loveless night.__  
__But the loneliness will stay with me__  
__And hold me till I fall asleep.___

_I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.__  
__I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well._

Rachel drew in a breath to launch into the chorus again when a loud noise came from the back of the auditorium and blinding light overcame her vision. Rachel screamed and turned her back to the spotlight, snapping her eyes shut. _Stop. Stop. Turn it off. _She chanted in her head, pressing it into her knees. The heat of the spotlight on her back faded, but even though it was off, Rachel couldn't turn around of look up. They were too similar, too real, and she just wasn't ready, she couldn't do it, couldn't do it.

"Rachel? Rachel, are you okay?" The voice was near, but distant, though Rachel was able to recognize it as Jesse's. "I'm sorry, I didn't- Rachel are you okay?" She nodded, but still didn't lift her head. "No you're not," He said softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Rachel lifted her head, but refused to look at Jesse. It was dark again, but she could feel him sitting beside her only a few inches away. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to talk about it," She said, but in truth she wondered if it would help her to tell someone why bright lights and holding hands freaked her out. Most everyone could guess, but saying it out loud might help too. "The lights, they're just… they're too similar y'know? I can't think of them as spotlights, or a flashlight in my eye, every single bright light I look into are those headlights. I see them and I think about how I saw them a split-second before they accident… before the collided with-" Rachel stopped, and took a deep breath. When she opened her mouth to speak again, sobs replaced what should've been words and she hung her head, weeping silently. When Jesse's arms wrapped around her, she didn't pull away, but leaned in closer to him. He was a wall, supportive and strong, something she needed.

Blaine watched from the wings, clutching the curtains of the stage tightly in his fingers. Why should Jesse be comforting her, when he's the one who caused her pain. Blaine was the one who was supposed to be holding her and telling her it was alright. But because of him, nothing was alright, so Blaine turned his back on Rachel and Jesse. He couldn't bear to listen to her crying, and knowing he wasn't the one to stop it, but he was the one who caused it.

*beat*

Rachel thanked Jesse, and got out of the car. She had stopped crying, and now only wore a sullen look on her face. She walked up to her house, listening to Jesse drive away, before sprinting into the kitchen. Her hands wretched the medicine cabinet open, and fumbled for the bottle she was looking for.

"What are you doing?" Rachel turned, holding the bottle of sleeping pills to her chest. Blaine was staring at her with his eyes wide, "Rachel, I asked what you are doing?"

"Nothing." She denied, bringing her other arm up to cover the one that had the bottle. Rachel tried to move past Blaine, and made it to the front living room, before he caught her hand. She jumped, and stared at him, still in shock that he could touch her and how real it felt.

"Don't you dare," Blaine said. It wasn't a demand, it was more of a plead.

"I have to…" Rachel said, avoiding his eyes. She couldn't look into them, not when they looked so wounded.

"No you don't," Blaine tightened his hold on her. "What in the world would you want to do that for, when you have so much in front of you?"

"You don't understand!" Rachel cried, tearing her arm away from him. "I have _nothing._ The one person I love the most is on the verge of life and death, and it's partially my fault! And because of the accident, I can't perform. I can't even drive at night anymore without having a panic attack. If I can't stand on a stage under a spotlight, I have nothing. My talent is obliterated, and I have nothing going for me! No one performs on a dark stage,"

"You'll move past it," Blaine told her, stepping closer. "It's post-traumatic, and it's only been about a week. Rachel it will go away, and you have everything, don't you understand? Everything, you have life inside of you," Blaine placed his hand on her heart, looking back at her with pleading eyes. "The Rachel I know would never go so easily, she would fight for every chance she had to shine. If you do this, your light is going to go out and it will never turn back on."

Rachel shook her head, "It doesn't matter anymore. You're the one who doesn't understand, without you here, the world it just isn't as bright, and if turning off that light means I can be with you tha-"

"Rachel you are here with me!" Blaine shouted, clutching at her arms, "I'm right here. You can see me, you can hear me, and you can feel me! Rachel please, I can feel you… and I want to keep that, please, don't do this,"

"Blaine…" Rachel looked up at him, and he felt himself tense. "No, no, Rachel, don't!" But it was too late; Rachel couldn't hear him anymore as she shook some pills, too many, too many pills, into her hand. "I'm sorry,"

"RACHEL!"

She tilted her head back and swallowed the pills. For a moment, nothing happened, and Blaine just stared, hoping she would be alright, but then Rachel's eyes drooped, and her body collapsed on the carpet. "Rachel?" He asked frantically, but of course, she didn't answer. "Rachel!" Blaine knelt down beside her. He placed the back of his hand under her nose, but didn't feel any air. He had no idea if it was because she wasn't breathing or because he just wasn't able to feel it. He looked at the clock on the wall, but the Berries wouldn't be home for a few more hours. A few hours too late. "No, no, no," Blaine cried, his eyes welling with tears.

Blaine wasn't sure how many minutes passed until he heard a knock on the door. "Rachel?" Someone called through the door. "It's Jesse!"

Blaine would've been a bit angry with him arriving, if it wasn't Rachel's only chance of staying alive. Jesse knocked again, "OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Blaine screamed, kneeling beside Rachel, even though Jesse couldn't hear him. But the boy didn't, he continued to knock. Standing up quickly, Blaine ran over to the door and wretched the door open himself, then stepped away. Jesse's face was surprised then confused when he saw no one there. "Rachel?"

"Over there!" Blaine pointed. Tears were falling down his face now, as he looked back and saw how tiny Rachel really was, especially when she was crumbled on the ground.

"Oh my god," Jesse gasped, finally spotting her. He ran over to Rachel and picked up the bottle which had fallen from her hands earlier. He bent over and checked for her pulse, but he must not have found one, because then Jesse was picking her up and running her to his car.

Blaine watched as Jesse dialed 911 before getting into his car, explaining what had happened to whoever was on the other end of the phone. There was no way he would be able to run to the hospital in time to find anything out, so instead, Blaine sat on the front porch. He watched Jesse play hero and rush his girlfriend off to the hospital, when all he could do was wait, hoping he would see Rachel again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was agony waiting for Rachel to return. Blaine supposed he could've walked to the hospital by the time she got back, but it was like his body was frozen in place. He sat on the front porch, staring at the Berry's driveway for days, without moving, waiting until, finally, they pulled up and Rachel got out of the car.

The sight of her made Blaine leap up, but again he froze, remembering that running to her, and holding her wouldn't do either of them any good. He watched in pain as LeRoy cradled Rachel under her arm and Hiram kept a closer, sharper, eye on his daughter. Rachel seemed oblivious to it all, including Blaine's presence. Her eyes were downcast and from what Blaine could tell, dark circles curved under them. Rachel seemed frailer, and her arms were wrapped around her body, as if she was afraid that if she let go, she'd crumple within herself.

Blaine followed closely, never straying more than four feet away from Rachel. Her dad's immediately led her upstairs to her bedroom. Blaine's eyes scanned the room, noticing that it was different since he had last been in it. It was almost bare of Rachel's personal items. All of the mirrors were gone, trophies, and the scarves that usually hung on the back of her bathroom door. Her room was cleaned out of anything that could pose any harm to her.

Rachel didn't even seem to notice. She climbed into bed once LeRoy pulled the covers back for her, and didn't even say a thank you, when her dad tucked her in. Blaine watched as LeRoy kissed Rachel softly on the head, while Hiram stood rigid in the doorway, unsure of how to treat Rachel.

LeRoy passed Hiram and left, closing the door behind them. Blaine carefully made his way over to Rachel, but paused when he heard her dad's talking on the other side of the door.

_"Do you really think this is a smart idea?" _

"_What else can we do? I don't know how to handle this LeRoy… never in all my life would I have thought she'd try something this reckless… this stupid!"_

_ "I thought she was holding up okay, but then this… Hiram… if only she would've held off. The hospital said they were going to call us about the boy, maybe if she known the news beforehand… she wouldn't have done this."_

_ "We can't think about that. The good thing is that the doctors said Blaine is sustaining life on his own now. He's got to be the reason she did this, and the fact that he's going to be okay now is what's going to keep her from doing this okay."_

_ "Then why are you-?"_

There was a pause, and Blaine waited, wondering what LeRoy was talking about. Then he heard a _click._

_ "Because I don't want to take chances."_

Blaine closed his eyes and leaned against the door, tilting his head back and towards the ceiling. A chill ran over his skin, and he turned his head to the bed. Blaine climbed in beside Rachel, and was surprised when she rolled over immediately and pressed her face into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry," She sobbed softly, clutching at his shirt.

"Shh…shh…" Blaine whispered softly, pulling her closer, their skin flushed against one another.

"I just wanted to be with you," Rachel whispered. "It's the only thing I want."

"You're here with me now Rachel," Blaine rubbed her back softly. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." As he said the words, he could hear Rachel's breath slowing down and he could feel himself slowly starting to pull away from her, but he fought it. "I promise," He said to her, though she was asleep. "I am _not_ going anywhere. Not if I can fight it."

*beat*

The next two days were very difficult for Rachel and it hurt Blaine just to watch. Her parents wouldn't let her out of the room and one of them always came by every 15 minutes to check on her.

"I wish they would stop treating me like a criminal," Rachel said, the night after she came back from the hospital. "I'm surprised Dad hasn't put in a doggy door to slide my food through."

"Probably because he'll think you'll crawl through it," Blaine attempted a joke.

It made Rachel smile. "At least I've got you here to keep my company, though I'm pretty sure if they catch me talking to someone they can't see one more time, I'll be sent back to the psychiatric ward."

Blaine forced a little smile, feeling awkward about the situation, and Rachel seemed to notice."They let me visit you," She said, taking his hand. Blaine looked up curiously. "Once they took you off Support they thought for sure you were going to – " Rachel stopped and looked down, before returning her gaze with a bigger smile. "But you're sustaining yourself Blaine! You're heart is beating all by itself, without any help. The doctor also said the swelling in your brain has gone down." Blaine said nothing, as he looked away.

"This is good news Blaine!" Rachel said, moving her face so they could maintain eye contact. "We can be together again soon, like really together…"

Blaine swallowed. They doctors were lying. He could feel the swelling in his head growing instead of dying. He felt it as soon as he realized his body was no longer hooked up to the Life Support machine. He was starting to fade away, but Blaine was fighting it every single moment even while Rachel looked at him with big hopeful eyes. He couldn't bear to tell her, he could feel himself slipping away, but Blaine couldn't leave her without a goodbye.

"Rachel!" Someone called her name from behind her bedroom door before it even left Blaine's lips. Hiram opened the door and leaned in with a smile. "You've got a visitor." He opened up the door further then, revealing Jesse standing in the hallway behind him.

"Jesse…" Rachel said, shocked.

Blaine hopped off the bed, and moved to the corner of the room as Jesse walked in, heading for the spot Blaine had just been sitting in. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," She said, fiddling with the blanket she had draped across her. "I'm sorry you had to find me the other day…"

"I'm not," Jesse said, reaching for her hand. "Otherwise who knows what could've happened."

Rachel bit her lip and looked over at Blaine in the corner. He made eye contact and Blaine suddenly wished for the first time that Rachel wouldn't be able to see him. It was then he felt something, something eerily similar to the sensation when Rachel says his name, but Blaine's eyes hadn't left her face, and he knew she hadn't said it.

Quickly he shifted his eyes to the mirror. The same mirror that had showed his reflection only a few weeks ago. He was there, but then he wasn't. Then he was again.

Looking back at Rachel, Blaine saw on her face that she could see his fading in and out too. That's when Blaine starting gasping for air.

Rachel's hand clapped around her mouth, and Jesse was startled. "I'm sorry, did I say something – "

"No, no!" Rachel said quickly, looking back at him. She was trying so hard not to look at the corner where Blaine was on his knees now. "I'm sorry, but I need you to go."

Jesse began to rise, "Of course, of course,"

"Please," Rachel couldn't resist the almost pleading tone in her voice. "I just- I need to take some medication and it's just not a good time," She told him, leading him to the door. "Thank you for coming by,"

Blaine heaved, falling to his hands and knees, fighting for air. Fighting to stay right where he was. _Not today,_ He told himself but Blaine could feel his body growing weaker and pain was overpowering his head. Squeezing his eyes, Blaine hoped it would lessen the pain but it didn't, and opening them only made it worse because when he looked up, he saw something that pierced his heart sharper than any form of death could ever do. "Rachel…" Blaine called out brokenly.

Hearing her name caused Rachel to pull back from where Jesse had just pulled her into a kiss. It was so unexpected, so soft, and _genuine_ that it had completely taken over all of her thoughts. Looking over her shoulder, she saw him lying on the ground, so Rachel turned back to Jesse. "I've really got to go," She said urgently, and before Jesse could say a word, Rachel reached out and shut the door between them.

"Blaine!" She half-shouted, running over to him. Rachel knelt down, and reached out to touch him, but she couldn't. "Don't," Rachel told him. "No, no you can't, Blaine please," Blaine gasped for air again, and looked up at Rachel. "You have to fight it,"

"I'm– Trying…" He managed to choke out as he closed his eyes and used all of his strength to keep holding on. "It's working," Rachel exclaimed, "You're fading back it, Blaine, don't stop!"

That's when Blaine collapsed; breathing heavily and Rachel scooped him up so fast into her arms. "Thank god," She kept saying, and Blaine rested his head into her chest. "Thank god, thank god," Rachel cried, pulling his face up to hers and kissing his lips over and over until he pulled away.

"I'm still leaving, Rachel," He said, his voice hoarse. "I can feel myself slipping away, it's only a matter of time."

"No," Rachel said, shaking her head. "You can fight it. You fought it just now, and you can fight it again."

"I don't have that much strength!" Blaine said fiercely, pulling away from her all together. "Don't you understand; I was weak to begin with. I don't know why you can see and hear and feel me, but it's using all of my energy and I'm in the single digits now, Rachel."

"You're not leaving me, Blaine Anderson!" She told him, tears still streaming down her face. "I couldn't stand it. I tried killing myself just at the thought of losing you, and if I do I –"

"You won't do anything," Blaine told her.

Rachel squeezed her eyes. "I'm not letting you go, even if I have to pay for your life support all on my own."

"And then what, Rachel? I'll be lying in a hospital bed for years until you go broke?"

"Then I'll have someone!" Rachel shouted down at him as she stood up.

"Someone whose only half there?" Blaine rose. "Half-alive? You have so many people, Rachel. You have your dads; you have Mr. Shuester, the Glee Club. You have Jesse…" It hurt Blaine to say so, but it was true.

"He doesn't mean anything to me," She shook her head. "Not the way you do."

"Maybe he will someday," Blaine shrugged. "If you move on –"

"How can I move on Blaine?" Rachel asked. "Can't you see how much this alone hurts? Losing you, I'll never be able to get over it, and I'll never be able to get over you. I love you. I love you so much I'd do anything to be with you."

Blaine looked down and forced himself not to cry. "Promise me, Rachel. Promise me, if I die you won't hurt yourself again."

"No." Rachel said stubbornly.

"Promise me!" He shouted. "You don't get it… I love you more than anyone else, and hurting yourself might bring us together but think of everyone you would be leaving behind. Don't do that to them. Think about Kurt… He's going to need you there when I die and your –"

"_If_ you die…"

" – going to need him too…" Blaine sighed.

He closed his eyes, and gave until the pull that's been tugging at him. "No," Rachel's voice cracked, "Blaine don't go, please,"

"I have to," He said softly, as she grabbed for him but was unable to. This time Blaine didn't fight it, and it became easier as there was no choking and pain. "Don't you dare come after me Rachel, promise me you won't."

"I promise," She forced herself to say, as she watched Blaine fade in and out.

Blaine finally opened his eyes and let his own tears fall. "Promise me you'll let the Glee Club help you, promise me you won't push them away."

"I promise!"

"And promise me…" Blaine reached out to touch her face, and Rachel leaned into his palm like she did the first time, feeling the faintest hint of warmth.

"I promise I'll never stop loving you,"

Then the cold came.

*Authors Note* - There will be _one_ more chapter! Don't worry, it's not over yet!


End file.
